Parents - Want to really know your kids?

"What happened today at school?"
"Nothing."
"How was the movie?"
"Good."

Yuck! Is this bonding? Is this intimacy? Is this even news? Surely this isn't the kind of communication we fantasized about when we first decided to have children. No, we thought about all those late-night talks we would have over hot chocolate, musing about school or friends or – whatever.  And maybe, from time to time, we do have heartfelt conversation that feels like we are really getting hold of our children's day to day lives – even their inner feelings.

But most of the time it's frustrating because we know that we are missing so much good stuff. We want to know more about their random thoughts, their hopes, their preferences, their perspective, their disappointments, what they are learning about life. We want to know them better. We want to know them the best we can.

There is a simple way to really experience intimacy and it is around the kitchen table at meal time.   By asking a simple question you can start a conversation that will teach you something new about your children.   It may even save them from serious consequences down the road as they remember this very discussion they had with you at meal time. 


If your goal is to get to know your kids better and to protect them by having meaningful discussions you will find the following one hundred questions helpful.   Pick a couple and try em.   You will be surprised at what happens. 

100 Ideas to start a Suppertime Chat

 

1. Tell me the five best things about you, or tell your children what you think the best five things about them are and ask them if agree. 

2. What does the word "success" mean to you?

3. Why do kids put rings in their eyebrows and nose?

4. If you could tell me never to serve two vegetables again, which two would you choose?

5. Who do you think I'd rather you be: an NBA ballplayer, the mayor, a famous explorer, or a movie star? Why?

6. Which of your friends do you think I like the most? Why?

7. On a scale of one to nine – one being not at all and nine being totally – how strict do you think I am? Where on the scale would you like me to be? (Parents: you can draw this on paper to make it easier for smaller children.)

8. What would be the ideal allowance? Tell me how you would use it.

9. Who was the worst teacher you ever had? Tell me why.

10. What would the ideal teacher be like?

11. If you had to have one of these, which would pick – and why? Really long nose hairs, hair in your ears, hair above your lip, massively hairy armpits!

12. How much privacy would you like? What time of the day would you like to be alone, and why?

13. Which one of our friends is the funniest looking? Why?

14. If you could arrange it, what time would I come home from work? Then, what would we do together?

15. Can you think of any clothes that I should never put on again? Why?

16. Do you think I drink too much? Have I ever embarrassed you that way?

17. Which of the following choices do you think would be best, and why?

a.       Dinner with everyone at the table and the TV on with your favorite program

b.       Dinner in which everybody took what they wanted from the fridge and no one had the same thing

c.       Dinner with the whole family together and no TV on

18. If a genie would give you only one wish, which would you pick, and why?

a.       being world-class attractive

b.       being a genius

c.       being famous for doing something great

19. If you are feeling sad, what meal that I could make or order would be the one that would cheer you up?

20. Are you afraid when we fly?

21. Tell me who you think are the three greatest musicians in the world? Why?

22. What punishment have I given you that you thought was really unfair? Why?

23. If you could change three things about yourself, what would they be?

24. At what age do you think a child ought to be tried as an adult if he has hurt someone very badly? Why?

25. If you could keep your room any way you wanted, how would it look?

26. How much money could you use a week? Why?

27. What kinds of lies do your friends tell their parents?

28. If you had to have a disability, which one of these would you pick, and why?

a.       blindness

b.       deafness

c.       inability to walk

29. What are the qualities that make a good friend?

30. Do you think you should be paid for specific chores? Which ones? And how much do you think each is worth?

31. What was your favorite toy when you were little?

32. What do you say to comfort yourself when something scares you (like when a plan is bumpy, of when you are in a scary place)?

33. What do you think makes a person good-looking?

34. What would you do if you saw a group of guys who looked like a gang walking toward you?

35. If you could decorate our place, what would it look like?

36. What do you think of my driving?

37. Looking at your pictures. When you think you have been the cutest so far?

38. What do you think are the characteristics that make a good parent?

39. Name the three movie stars you most admire.

40. Have you ever imitated something you saw in a movie? What was it?

41. Do you think kids ought to get sex education? If you do, what kinds of things are appropriate? If you don't, why not?

42. Name a TV or movie star that you think is lame.

43. Do you think it's important to get physical education in school? Why or why not?

44. Do you think I lose my temper too often? If so, how often?

45. What do you think is the right amount of hugging and kissing that should go on between kids and their mom? How about kids and their dad?

46. What is the most enjoyable thing our family has done together in the last three years?

47. Do you think that kids as young as twelve can fall in love? If not, at what age do you think that happens?

48. What do you think is beyond the stars?

49. What is the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?

50. Why do you, or don't you, like violent movies?

51. Name two things we should do as a family on the weekend.

52. How do you think kids are affected by divorce?

53. Do I ever not notice that you are sad? What signs should I look for?

54. What sport (that you haven't tried) do you think you would be good at? Why?

55. Who is the meanest kid you know? Why?

56. Do you believe in heaven? If not, why? If so, what do you think it's like?

57. If you were going to have a weird, unusual pet, what would it be? Why would you want that pet?

58. If you could look like anyone, who would it be? Why?

59. Do you think "honesty is always the best policy"? Why or why not?

60. What have you done, in school or sports or anywhere, that you are especially proud of?

61. Do you think girls look better with or without makeup? Why?

62. Do you think it's bad, okay, or good for guys to cry at movies? Why?

63. Which of your friends are you proudest of? Why?

64. Have you ever had a dream that really scared you? What was it about?

65. Can you describe the most beautiful place you have ever visited?

66. What kinds of things on TV and in movies make you laugh?

67. Tell me about your two favorite movies of all time and why you like them so much.

68. How do you describe me to your friends?

69. Do you feel you are as intelligent as most of your friends? Why or why not?

70. What is the scariest movie you've ever seen? Why?

71. Have you ever gotten really lost? If so, tell me about it. How did you feel?

72. How much TV a day do you think a kid should watch?

73. At what age, if any, do you think a kid should be able to watch any program no matter what is in it?

74. Do you think you live in a dangerous neighborhood? Why or why not?

75. Not counting our religion, which religions do you find interesting? Why?

76. Tell me what you think is good, or bad, about rap music.

77. Do you ever feel you could lose your temper so badly that you could hurt someone? If so, what has made you feel like that?

78. What is the grossest thing you can think of?

79. Has an adult ever hit you that you haven't told me about?

80. Is there anybody in history that you have read about that you would like to be?

81 What do you think is the right age for marriage? Why?

82. Tell me three things you remember about kindergarten.

83. What kids are popular in your grade? What do you think makes a person popular?

84. Has anyone ever tried to sell you drugs? If so, what did you say to that person?

85. If you knew a friend of yours had stolen something, what would you do about it?

86. Do you feel close to any of your grandparents, aunts, or uncles? If so, to whom do you feel closest?

87. What paper have you written that you really felt proud of? Tell me about it.

88. If you could trade lives with somebody you know, who would it be?

89. How do you think you would feel if you thought you were going to be the first person to meet someone from outer space? What would you say or ask?

90. What would you do if you were invisible for a day?

91. What is your very earliest memory as a very little kid?

92. Do you think any of our neighbors are scary?

93. What would you do if you found out one of your teachers was homosexual?

94. Is there anything you pretend you understand, but you really don't? What is it?

95. Who do you think you are most like in our family? Why?

96. Do you believe men and women are equally smart? Why or why not?

97. Do you ever have a dream that comes back over and over? If so, what is it like?

98. Why do you think some people don't like animals?

99. What kind of person should be Prime Minister?

100. Why are sports so important to kids?